today

hmmm... got to work ok, figured it would either be busy or dead - it was busy! So time flew, which was nice. I also took a bunch of classes online through the company site to help me with some of the technical things that people want to know. BTW, I work for H&R Block, in case you didn't know. I got home and found I had gotten a call from daughter which I returned, then called my buddy beader Jody, then my friend Gordon called from Florida. Hadn't heard from him in awhile so was nice to catch up with his goings on.

Then I sat and beaded, checked the blogs, beaded, ordered beads, beaded... so February's pocket is coming along. I needed a few beads to finish it off though so ordered them since we have nothing much here in the way of seed beads. I am totally broke though, lol. Looks like I'm eating whatever is in the cupboards till the end of the month.

February's pocket is going to be healing I hope. Since February is traditionally linked with Valentines day and I no longer have a valentine, I think this will all work it's way into the beading. In fact it already has. After 30 years of marriage, it's hard to contemplate not having a valentine to share my life with. In fact I felt that way so deeply, I didn't think I could continue my life without my husband. I attempted suicide in April of last year and was divorced in July. I am finding not only does life go on, but life can be ever so sweet, everywhere but in my heart of hearts - where you keep those special feelings for that special someone. That place is ice cold and frozen, broken and afraid. I don't know if it will ever heal and that scares me a bit. Mostly because I crave being a whole person - not some wounded, dying thing. I think it's imp0rtant to heal and move on. Everyone says I will. So I just hope for the best and do my best not to let it get me too down.

I suffer and have suffered from depression for many years - it's a constant battle. Add to that medical issues and I feel some days I am such a mess why do I bother? Then I have days where I feel fine and can't imagine why I felt life wasn't worth it.

So after reading Robin's book, I felt I HAD to do this - that it would help me stitch those wounds closed and put me in a better place in which to go on with life - because life is good and it is worth it!

hugs all
kat