Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Wow Summer seems to be passing me by....

I have been having knee problems and have been spending an excess amount of time sitting with my knee up. Since I don't have wireless I can't drag my laptop to the couch (: But that means I have had a lot of time to work on pockets! I have May, June and July done and have added straps to all the other pockets. I also de-constructed a bunch of jeans and have pockets ready to go for a few more months. I took pics but have to get them off the camera. I will try to do that tomorrow.

I have been seeing a therapist and I am working through some things with her which is helping. I've also talked to my X and while the answers I got weren't what I expected and I didn't feel like I got everything I felt I needed to hear, I did at least get him to talk about feelings and his thoughts from his perspective. So I am getting some closure in that area and I hope it helped him too, because I opened up and told him some things I hadn't told anyone, that while I didn't want him to feel like he had to say it's all his fault, I did appreciate him saying he had made mistakes and that he felt he had failed me by not encouraging me or supporting me. That I had made mistakes too and that because of things that happened to me when I was younger and that this had impacted my reactions to things he did or said. Basically, because I never felt I was worthy of love, that I felt I deserved whatever happened and I had no control, which caused me to be clingy and needy. My fear he would leave me pushed him to do just that. I know I didn't consciously do these things, they were already programed into my brain.

I also talked to my mom and got some clarifications and more of an understanding of my dad and his lack of relating to any of the family. Mom said he'd always been that way. She gave me lots of insight which I really did appreciate.

I hope you all will enjoy the pockets I have created. This has been a wonderful process of finding myself and my pockets reflect that. And I will get them posted soon... maybe even today!