Friday, May 28, 2010

My April pocket - April is the month my granddaughter was born and I wanted to take this pocket and celebrate new life, springtime and my favorite things - flowers, butterflys and dragonflys! I used rainbow tourmaline and amethyst for the flowers. For the leaves I used some carved leaves I got at the local store and green florite and peridot for the vines. There wasn't a lot of heavy thoughts on this one, I just tried to put forth the feelings of spring, new life, new beginnings. It is one of my favorite so far.

Monday, May 17, 2010

A time for change

A time for change

May has been full of time for change. A lot of the change has been in me. I've been on the road so much the last month and I have had lots of time for reflection. I find I am no longer feeling like I should still be in love with my ex-husband. I love him as a friend and the father of my children and because we shared a life together, but I am no longer IN love with him. We had a chance to have a small heart to heart while he was at my daughters for her graduation and I can honestly say I had no pangs of heartache when I looked at him or talked to him. We had one small incident while at his house that involved his attempt to spare my feelings instead of being up front. I tried to explain that if he would just be up front and tell me, then there would be less to have to deal with in the end. If I get upset, that is my thing to deal with. If he is secretive or hides things and I am then totally surprised and hurt that he didn't give me the chance to even try to deal with whatever it was. Plus I think for the first time since the divorce we actually laughed and relaxed and had a good time. I explained that that was all I wanted or expected. The other admission I made was that for the first time in my life, I am actually on my own and I enjoy this aspect of life. Making my own decisions and living life how I want. I love being able to make my own choices, I love the feeling of independence and freedom. Freedom to come and go as I please, to not have to feel I have to live life according to someone else's agenda. To finally realize it is ok to let go of past dreams and expectations and to find new ones. That letting go is not forgetting or losing, it's not failure - it's life

Monday, May 3, 2010

Hex Goblindancer... my fairy name

Your fairy is called Hex Goblindancer
She is a bringer of riches and wealth.
She lives in places hexed and tainted by black magic.
She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.
She wears black feathers and rose petals. She has gentle green wings like a butterfly.

looking back

looking back did you ever see?
did you ever see the real me?
did you think it would last?
while you held me fast?

looking back do you remember me?
do you remember
that first look,
our first kiss...
do you remember this?

looking back did you ever think?
did you ever think it would end like this?
packing my bags,
loading the car,
not... looking back... and looking too far?

looking back do you ever feel?
do you feel right,
do you sleep at night?

looking back do you ever think?
do you ever think anything at all?
or were the years that went by nothing at all?

Looking back, all I see is miles and miles
as I drove away from all that I had
looking for a way to see beyond the bad,
looking for ways to put life back in my smiles.

I don't look back anymore,
I have so much more in store
I can't waste time on things that won't change
I have too many things easily within range
looking back is for fools
if you see me looking, I'm not looking for you
this isn't exactly how I had it in my head when I thought it up on the drive home, but I guess it really doesn't matter...

Sunday, May 2, 2010

does life feel like it's passing you by? are you passing by life?

While this is not a perfect photo, I loved the sunset and had to capture it. I took this out of my window in a moving car... which is why everything looks like it's moving and where I got my title from...
I will be posting a photo of my April pocket and hopefully starting on May soon. The trip took more out of me than I thought it would and I am glad to be home. I posted pics on my fb site if anyone is interested in looking.

I also posted this pic of Jody and my entries in the bead group challenge. We didn't win but we did have fun.

So much has happened since I last posted, I don't hardly know where to begin. I enjoyed my time with my mom and wished I could have spent more time there, but was also glad to be home. I put up my new drapes today that I bought while I was there. I will post some pics of things as I get them photographed. I had to laugh - my mom picked out the drapes I wanted then put them back, or started to... I grabbed them and put them in my part of the cart (anyone else share carts when shopping with someone?) I think we were both surprised we liked the same thing... then she picked out some that I wasn't too sure of. We got back to the house and put hers up and I had to go buy me some... lol Mostly though, we talked and took care of the dogs... Thankfully, mine get along famously with hers... helps that hers are male and mine are female, I guess, but it was a relief to know Spice can get along with other dogs. Her sis and she don't get along right now - we are hoping this will pass now that Spice is fixed).

Good grief... don't even want to think about the next trip. It's only a week away and thankfully, not as far. But I have to deal with the X....